Released from Shame

I grew up known as the town drunk's kid. My house was the house that the police frequented. We lived in small towns whenever we moved, which was often. Everyone knew our 'business' and I wanted someone to come and take me away from all of it. I did not smile and I kept my head down. I was ashamed of who I was and my family. I felt the judgement of being less than others. I attempted to live a 'normal life as much as I was able. I joined the sport leagues; baseball, football and basketball. But, my family did not come to my games. I was alone.

By my middle school years, I was depressed due to my anger and 'unresolved issues'. I constantly wondered why someone would not do something about the way I was living. Again, everyone knew our business, but there was no one intervening or helping. I walked around in life among adults who knew what was going on in our family; alcoholism, domestic violence etc but they just turned their heads? I don't know, but I had to find an escape.

My high school years led me to become exactly like what had been set before me; alcoholism and violence. I turned to drinking thinking that this would alleviate the pain of my shame. The drinking did nothing for me. I turned to drugs and, obviously the occult had become a real avenue of interest.

My upbringing really did a number on me; how I saw myself and how I saw others. I lived under their judgement, beit real or imagined, of not measuring up. I was actually told by my dad that I would never amount to anything. I constantly felt bad about myself. I spent alot of time, energy and effort attempting to measure up, attempting to live a 'normal life' and fitting in.

When I became a Christian in 1981, I exchanged the judgement that I had been living under for the judgement of God. I had to learn how God saw me and from that perspective I learned how to view others. I did not need to measure up to anything or anyone. I no longer needed to feel bad about myself. I fit in; I know Whom I belong to.

Someone did come along and do something about the way I was living. Someone intervened on my behalf and took me away from it all. Jesus Christ interrupted my life, which was ruins, with His Grace. He took away the shame of who I was.

recommended reading http://www.amazon.com/Released-Shame-Recovery-Children-Dysfunctional/dp/0830816011/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249928253&sr=1-2